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Article invited by Cristina Schreil.
It’s no secret that older generations have reached certain milestones in family planning much earlier than Millennials. For example, getting married and having babies in your twenties was once considered the right time.
This is not the case with Millennials. Researchers at the Urban Institute found that “between 2007 and 2012… birth rates among women in their twenties fell by more than 15%. As I noted in my last post on Millennials, we’re doing things later.
According to the Pew Research Center, “In 1965, the typical American woman got married for the first time at age 21 and the typical man got married at age 23. In 2017, these numbers rose to 27 for women and 29.5 for men… When asked why they are not married, 29% say they are not financially prepared, while 26% say they are not. not having found someone who has the qualities they are looking for; 26% more say they are too young and not ready to settle down.
That’s not to say that none of my peers have kids in their twenties. However, as a generation, Millennials follow a family planning calendar that often alarms their parents and grandparents, who were used to equating certain milestones at specific ages (and younger). And that can lead to questions that seem intrusive.
“When are you going to have kids?”
Friends tell me that they started dealing with this issue in their early twenties. In my world, even the most progressive people I know can’t help but ask me questions about motherhood; some just seem to be wondering, but others are asking the question out of concern about the health risks for older mothers.
Despite the fact that Millennials across the country are not reproducing on the same time frame as their parents and grandparents’ generations, some feel great pressure to begin channeling their energies into creating families. Or, many just don’t know how to counter probing questions without dismissing the concerns of their older parents.
Fortunately, there are several recent studies here to help boost your confidence in your timeline. Many suggest that it is viable for women to wait until their mid-30s to become mothers, in large part because offspring benefit from better educated and more established mothers.
5 responses to baby inquiries
1. When someone says, “Have babies now, earn money later.”
You can say, “I might earn more if I wait a few years. “
Researchers looked at the impact of the age at which women become mothers on their lifetime earnings. Using a sample of around 1.6 million Danish women aged 25 to 60, they found that women who don’t want to sacrifice lost career earnings are better off having a first child. after 30 years. women. In this sample, women who became mothers before the age of 25 actually lost between two and two and a half years of income.
Mothers who are considered “older” have attested to the financial benefits of starting a family later: they are more likely to have saved money by being childless in the labor market longer and are likely to have made greater progress in the career ladder, thereby increasing their income potential throughout their career. They also have the luxury of not needing to “prove themselves” while juggling the demands of newborns and young children.
2. When someone says, “You won’t be there to watch your children grow up.
You can say, “Older mothers can have a longer life.
A study published in Menopause Diary titled “Extended Maternal Age at the Birth of the Last Child and Women’s Longevity in the Long Life Family Study,” reported that women who gave birth to their last child after the age of 33 saw a ” significant association with older maternal age ”and had a greater likelihood of living to age 95.
Previous results, from the New England Centenarian Study, found that women who gave birth after the age of 40 “were four times more likely to live to age 100 or more than women who gave birth after age 40. younger age “.
Although many factors affect longevity, these studies show an attractive possible association with expectation. If you’re in your 20s and worried about not living to see your child’s wedding or meet your grandchildren, these studies contradict that narrative.
3. When someone says, “It’s so much harder to deal with kids when you’re older.
You can say, “Studies show older mothers can have fewer problems.
Older mothers of preschool children, for example, do well in most aspects of parenting. A UK study, ‘Parenthood of Preschool Children by Older Mothers in UK’, found that there may be specific benefits for mature mothers.
The researchers wrote: “Positive and responsive parenting typically increased with the mother’s age until around 40, after which time it peaked. Thus, overall, older motherhood “should not present any problems in relation to parenthood during the preschool years”.
Expecting to have babies can also boost your intelligence, as sex hormones can influence cognitive performance. A research team from the University of Southern California found that women who gave birth to their last baby after the age of 35 have “better intelligence after menopause.” The study was published in the American Journal of Geriatrics, and lead researcher Roksana Karim noted that it “provides strong evidence that there is a positive association between older age at last pregnancy and cognition at the end of life.” There were two other cases that appeared to strengthen brain function and prevent memory loss: whether the women started their menstrual cycles before the age of 13 or had used hormonal contraceptives for more than 10 years.
4. When someone says, “Children born to older mothers are at a disadvantage.
You can say, “Children born to older mothers do well in school. “
A research team looked at Swedish data to see how factors such as continued advances in public health may counterbalance the disadvantages of having a child at an older age. Their study, “Advanced Maternal Age and Offspring Outcomes”, found that waiting to have children until age 40 “is associated with positive long-term outcomes for children” and they also found no disadvantage. important in adulthood for children born later. moms in life, even for moms over 45.
As for siblings, they reported that those born when the mother was older were more likely to perform better on standardized tests, to stay in the education system longer, and more likely to go to school. ‘university.
Other studies corroborate these conclusions: “The relationship between nursery education and children’s academic performance”, reported in the Marriage and family journal conducted by researchers at New York University, found that when older mothers get higher education, their children have strong language skills because they are likely to use a higher level of vocabulary with their children. These children benefit in many ways from their mother’s education and are more likely to excel on cognitive tests, achievement tests, SATs and, again, are more likely to go to college.
Alice Goisis examined the cognitive performance of children with three different groups of mothers in England and confirmed what previous research found: As for children of younger mothers, those born to older mothers do better on tests. cognitive ability. Goisis attributes this finding to the fact that older mothers are likely to have a higher education and are more established in jobs or professions.
5. When someone says, “If you wait too long, you’ll miss your chance.
You can say, “Not necessarily. “
Being an older first-time mom is more than a trend limited to the Hollywood elite like Amal Clooney who gave birth at 39 or Mariah Carey at 42. About 10 years ago, in an article titled “The Typical Modern Mother: There Is None,” the Pew Research Center wrote: “Mothers of newborns today are more susceptible than their mothers. counterparts two decades earlier being 35 and over.
A 2018 Pew study, “They’re Waiting Longer…”, points out that women aged 40 to 44 who have never been married have had a baby. Pew reassures those bombarded with questions that although women have babies later, “women are more likely to become mothers now than they were ten years ago.”
Nonetheless, parents will bother you, friends will urge you, and strangers will comment. What is the most outrageous, curious, or boring prompt or questions you have been asked?
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