My Family Constantly Cuts Me Off. Is It Too Late To Break The Pattern? – SheKnows

My Family Constantly Cuts Me Off. Is It Too Late To Break The Pattern? – SheKnows
Written by Publishing Team

As a mom, I’m constantly… oh wait… wait a second… interrupted. When you’re giving directions, telling the greatest story of all time, or taking a shower, it’s all cut short. My family has a lot to say and it’s exploding in my branch without thinking about what I’m trying to accomplish. This scheme has been in play for a while now and honestly it’s my fault. I let it build up like that sticky soap scum on my shower door because I wanted my 8 year old son, husband and dogs to feel heard in their world – but now I don’t feel supported in mine. Is it too late to teach my family a new trick?

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Like any habit, this one developed slowly and it was my family’s sense of urgency that got me going. I could hear in their voices such a need to speak out that I gave them the immediate attention they needed. It often happened like this: My husband or my son had a quick question or a major revelation and I would stop to hear it. When the model started several years ago, the rarity of this scenario made me take time from what I was doing. Showing my family that I appreciated their words was important and there are times when immediacy is important – except now it counts all day, every time, all the time.

“Mom, have you seen my homework?” My son asks as he barges into the bathroom while I’m showering.

“There are times when immediacy is important – except now it counts all day, every time, all the time.”

I hear the need in his voice and I reply without stopping, “Have you looked in your backpack?”

I see the light bulb light up above my child’s head and he runs off to find his homework. I wonder if there will be any further interruptions during my only real alone time today. But I don’t have to ask myself the question for long because my husband comes up with the same question. (Is anyone in this house knocking?) When I ask him to lock the door on my way out, he looks confused. By now I shouldn’t be surprised by all the interruptions, but somehow I am. Also, the idea of ​​frustration I feel doesn’t go away with the shower water.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, I love helping my crew. The skills of my mother and wife are so in demand that they must be quite noticeable, as long as I don’t have any remarks to make. I like being able to provide answers on Minecraft while I pee. I am happy to be awakened from a well-deserved nap to guide my husband in using the food processor. Kidding aside (no kidding), I want to be there for my family – and acknowledging that desire is how the model started in the first place. But these disturbances have become such a constant thing that I cannot breathe deeply without being redirected.

“I feel like my time is no longer valued – it belongs to everyone.”

For a while, I tried to ignore all the cuts and cuts that bothered me. I mean, who cares if my train of thought goes off the rails? I am an adult. I can ride with it. Maybe it’s my job as a mother and partner to be interrupted day and night. But putting my feelings aside only made it worse. And I certainly don’t expect my 8 year old to maintain an adult-like level of patience in this area; however, I reported this event to my husband, and when I mentioned it… well, I was interrupted.

I push away feelings of defeat more often than my child forgets to flush the toilet. Being heard helps me feel valued. It connects me to my family, but I don’t get that feeling of complete connection because my unfinished thoughts hang like cartoon word bubbles cluttering our kitchen. Every interjection feels like a push and I feel like my time is no longer valued – it belongs to everyone. I waited for my family to recognize this pattern, but they don’t. So it’s my turn to speak up – and have them listen because I’m trying to set a standard where everyone is heard equally.

“Hey family, can we …”

“Mom, I have to show you this program!” »Interrupts my son enthusiastically.

“Hey kid, I would love to watch your show, but can I finish my thought first…” He nods.

It seems like the easiest solution, but giving my family a ‘pause button’ has made all the difference. It reminds us that there is room for all of us to be heard. I will never stop listening to my family’s stories about school, work and bathroom breaks because these are the stories that connect us. But I’ll be more assertive when it’s my turn. By showing how much I valued them, I didn’t always take the time to value myself – and it’s a thought that is certainly worth hearing.

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