Source: Mathilde Langevin / Unsplash
The boys are brilliant. Girls read better. Only the children are spoiled. Parents play an identifiable role in perpetuating stereotypes, be it race, sibling or gender.
According to a study published in Science, “Gender stereotypes about intellectual abilities emerge early and influence children’s interests. The researchers found that girls as young as 6 associate a high level of intellectual abilities, such as brilliance or genius, with men more than with women. The study clearly notes that 6-year-old girls shunned areas such as philosophy and physics, finding these areas to be reserved for children who are “really, really smart” ie boys.
Parental gender stereotypes are important in perpetuating gender differences, as they can affect children’s development of beliefs about their competence, which is called the intrinsic value of the task – the interest and enjoyment that students experience when they engage in a task – and their success, according to Drs. Francesca Muntoni and Jan Retelsdorf report in the diary Learning and Teaching.
Likewise, one-child stereotypes have stubbornly remained for decades, in part because parents continued to accept them. About thirty years ago, when I wrote my first book on the subject, Parenting an Only Child: The Joys and Challenges of Raising Your One and Only (updated 2001), negative one-child myths were deeply rooted and persuasive, and they influenced family planning decisions. It has taken a long time to change the way people think.
Stereotypes of the only child: the act of disappearance
Since 1896, when psychologist G. Stanley Hall called children only selfish, spoiled, lonely and bossy, unfounded and unflattering stereotypes have afflicted only children and their parents. But today, these stereotypes have largely disappeared.
Myths about only children have been almost extinct, especially by only children and their parents. You rarely hear unsavory comments about children just now. If so, they are likely from older generations – grandparents and great-grandparents.
Over the past year, I have asked almost 100 unique children of all ages (or their parents), “Did you feel stigmatized growing up? “
Laura *, 29, replied: “Never. My mom made it her job — she was determined — that I wasn’t going to be that spoiled only child. People were and are surprised that I was an only child. I had two jobs when I was a teenager. Even though my parents had the money, they made me work for what I wanted. I knew I could ask for something, but I also knew I had to save for it. If I saved enough, they would give me the rest.
Laura’s mother Robin, 65, grew up when one-child myths were everywhere. But she didn’t buy them and wanted to make sure her child challenged the stereotypes she had heard. “I never wanted her to be the kid everyone says gets everything. It was my main goal. We were strict with Laura and had a lot of rules.
Only child Jessica, 59, took on the “selfish stereotype”. “The only kids I know or grew up with either want to give you everything they have or say, ‘Hands off my stuff. I was in the “hands off my stuff” group, but my cousin, who is one of the three, felt the same. “
Student Carolyn, 18, said she knew one-child stereotypes existed, but said she didn’t fit any of them: “They had nothing to do with my upbringing. I’m not selfish ; I learned to share in kindergarten.
“When I was younger I was on my own if my parents were busy, and since they both have jobs, it happened a lot,” she says. “I got used to it over time and learned to be more independent.” Somewhere around first grade, she says she became comfortable doing her homework and playing on her own.
Henry, a 38-year-old only child, says he didn’t feel stigmatized or labeled at all growing up. “It never occurred to me that there was something wrong with not having a sibling or that it was weird,” he told me.
Shannon, also 38, was oblivious to the stigma of only children. Like others older and younger than her, she confirms: “I was not aware of the stigma of only children until I was in my twenties… but even then I knew that societal beliefs about only children were wrong. “
These comments from new generations of only children and parents of only children ranging in age from toddler to adulthood indicate that the negative stereotypes once pinned on only children are gone. It has been a difficult road for many older generations, but the long-standing judgment and deeply ingrained negativity surrounding lonely children is gone. Parents of only children and single children themselves prevailed.
The birth rate is steadily declining and one-child families are on the increase; having a child is the fastest growing family size. Today, men and women of childbearing age say one-child stereotypes are not factored into their decisions about how many children to have. So many other factors that come into play: starting older families, brakes on infertility, insufficient or expensive childcare, to name a few. Combined with the participation of women in the labor market and the high costs of raising children, the pandemic has also had a profound and likely lasting impact on childbearing.
In cities like Seattle, 47% of families have one child, and countries like Canada and England are already referred to as one-child nations. Obviously, the one-child family, while not for everyone, is becoming more and more common.
Archaic myths have lost their power to label single children or to persuade people to have more children, indicating a widespread acceptance and celebration of the one-child family.
* The names of study participants have been changed to protect their identity.
Copyright @ 2021 by Susan Newman