While some will say that children are born selfish, others say it is learned behavior. Whatever you think, let’s all agree that selfish kids need to get rid of their bad habits. Selfishness is when an individual thinks about himself first and foremost. These people are much more concerned with their personal gain than with the needs of those around them. We all have the tendency to be a little selfish at times, but making selfishness one of your main personality traits is a good way to find yourself alone and without friends.
Babies and toddlers who are still learning about the world around them tend to be naturally selfish. When babies and toddlers need food or comfort, they cry and cry until they get it. They have no other way to communicate, and their needs come first, and most adults would agree. As children get older, this behavior decreases, but it may reappear or never go away completely. However, it has been proven that toddlers are also very able to be selfless from an early age, suggesting that selfishness is not a naturally learned behavior. Dr. Felix Warneken has nearly two decades of experience studying behavioral patterns in toddlers and babies.
A press release from the University of Michigan where Dr. Warneken works details his studies and findings on altruism in toddlers. Dr. Warneken has observed that toddlers are ready and willing to help without the promise of a reward or a treat. Anyone who has ever raised a toddler can attest to this theory that children are not born selfish. Babies and toddlers want to do what adults do. They want to get involved and want to help. Start folding laundry in front of a two year old, and they will happily fold and put away unlike an 8 year old who knows what chores are. If you hurt yourself in front of a toddler, they will likely come to you too.
Selfishness in older children is learned more through bad habits and, unfortunately, the lack of proper behavioral counseling from parents. This trait can develop in a number of ways, but it usually comes from witnessing it and then copying it. Often, selfishness also comes from the fact that children get what they want when they want it and are not told “no” very often. Here are some signs of selfishness in children.
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Interrupt adults’ conversation so they can be overheard
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Do damage to a room that has just been cleaned
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Want a toy and take it from someone just because they want it
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Crying and tantrums when told no or told to wait
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Always wanting to pick the movie and getting worked up when they can’t.
Talk about it and get it noticed
Problems cannot be resolved if they are not addressed. Your child’s selfishness should be emphasized and spoken out in a consistent manner. If you witness or see any of these behaviors, stop and say something. Chances are, your child won’t even realize that he is selfish or that he is doing it. Tell them, but whatever you do, never call your child selfish. Tell them that they are behaving in a selfish manner. A Psychology Today article advises parents that being accused of being selfish as a child will stick with them into adulthood. While it’s not an insult to us, it is for your child and labels them. If you call them selfish, they will believe it.
Chances are, a selfish child would be very upset if his own behavior was inflicted on him. When you have an incident at home, ask your children how they would feel to be the victims of what they just did. Stop the moment and ask them why? Ask them why they really believed they should be the first or why they are the most important. It makes them reflect on how they behaved and finds a root cause of their selfishness. Chances are, your child won’t have the answers to these questions at first, but help them. No, they wouldn’t be happy, and no, they’re not more important than anyone else.
Praise selfless behavior
When your child does something kind and selfless, definitely let them know when they are doing well. This positive attention can go a long way and can help a selfish child realize that being kind is better for everyone. Tell them exactly what they did right and encourage them to do it again. Be sure to act altruistically yourself to lead by example.
Source: University of Michigan, Parenting First Cry, Psychology Today, Huff Post
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