Watching a Partner Change Is Hard. Accepting It Can Be Harder.

Watching a Partner Change Is Hard. Accepting It Can Be Harder.
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As a result, Ms Scharf said she had become “so fragile and needy”, adding: “I feared being a burden on Robby” to the point that she “feared that her reservoir of compassion would run out or that ‘he’s losing patience with me and I want to go.

Ms Scharf said that “facing our difficulties head-on” with the help of therapy and relying on friends to make up for some of the support she sought from her husband was an integral part of her and Mr. Scharf’s ability to accept internal and external issues. changes in their life. In doing so, she added, “not only gave me new respect for him, it also showed me what I was made of.”

The Scharfs are far from the only couple for whom the past few years have been a melting pot. Jenna Hewson, 34, a marketing and communications specialist for a law firm, and Christopher Hewson, 34, an engineer for a firm specializing in hydraulic fracturing and reservoir simulation, were married for five years when the pandemic hit. hit. The couple, who live in Calgary, Canada, have gone from a separate working life outside the home and expecting a second child to work together from home while raising their 3-year-old. Then came the loss of their baby, who was stillborn.

The grief that followed, Ms Hewson said, left her and her husband “both so broken and hurt.”

“We had nothing to give,” she said. “There were times after our loss when parting seemed like the easier way.”

The Hewsons learned to be more patient with each other with the help of a therapist whom they saw together and then separately, as well as nightly recordings after their son fell asleep, which helped them settle down. remember that they were part of the same team. , not opposites. “Understanding and appreciating how your partner handles upheaval is half the battle,” Ms. Hewson said. “Knowing what to expect from your partner can alleviate a lot of confusion, disappointment and resentment. “

Loren Raye, 35, and her four-year-old husband Matt Bosso, 40, who live in Bridgewater, NJ, with their 3-year-old daughter, suffered a different kind of loss in the pandemic that has strained their lives. relationship. Ms Raye, who was a radio host for the TJ Show on 103.3 AMP Radio in Boston, was fired from her job and could no longer be the breadwinner (at the time, her husband, who worked as a music director for Entercom, earned less than she earned).

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