The Conversation We Still Need To Have About Jim Jones Saying He Was French Kissed By His Mother

The Conversation We Still Need To Have About Jim Jones Saying He Was French Kissed By His Mother
Written by Publishing Team

Last week, rapper Jim Jones found himself all the rage on social media and made headlines after sharing a disturbing anecdote from his childhood. As a guest on the Lip service podcast, a show about sex and relationships, Jones revealed that his mother is his first teacher when it comes to sex.

“I learned my sex education from my mom,” Jones said. “She taught me everything about sex – my first condoms. My mom taught me how to kiss when she was younger.

Assuming Mama Jones was providing verbal instructions, Angela Yee, the show’s creator and host, asked Jones, “What did she tell you to do? “

Jones replied, “She showed me how to kiss the tongue. These weren’t instructions she showed me with her mouth.

Yee: ​​”She kissed you ?!”

Jones: “It’s my mother! “

Jones rationalized the behavior, saying his mother had had it when she was 17. “Look at all the babies that have babies now, it’s like they have a little sister or a little brother more than they have a child.”

Surprisingly, aside from Yee’s question as to whether Mama Jones actually kissed him, the hosts kept the conversation going. Yee asked Jim if he found the tongue kiss disgusting the first time he did it.

“The first time I kissed a girl with the tongue, yeah. But with my mothers it didn’t bother me.

Naturally, Jones’ revelation sparked a lot of discussion. Listeners were troubled – and some even validated – given Mama Jones’ issues with her son’s longtime partner Chrissy. And there were others who would have preferred to get away from the topic altogether.

Jones, unsurprisingly, was one of them. After the clip from the interview went around, he posted his own video claiming it was all a joke and the media were “weak” for trying to project a certain narrative.

Mama Jones, in an interview with The shadow room, claimed that she did not put her tongue in her son’s mouth because she was not a “bad mother”.

“It was a way of showing you how to speak. He licked his tongue. I licked my tongue. It wasn’t mouth to mouth, ”she explained.

With conflicting explanations from Jim and his mother, netizens posted a collective side look and moved on to the next story. And I understand. Most of us don’t want to dwell on this type of imagery.

Still, I would say the topic deserves a little more attention simply because it represents a common but often overlooked issue in our community: the sexual abuse of black boys at the hands of older black girls and women.

In his 2004 book, No Secrets, No Lies: How Black Families Can Heal From Sexual Abuse, ESSENCE journalist and former editor Robin Stone reports that one in six African-American boys will be sexually assaulted before the age of 18.

This number is particularly alarming when you consider the fact that many sexual assaults go unreported. For many black boys and men, this may be because they don’t even record incidents as assaults.

I cannot count the number of times I have heard a black man, famous or not, recall his first sexual experiences without realizing that he was not “losing his virginity”, that he was coerced, abused or even statutory rape, often by an older girl or woman in a position of power and authority.

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali, who practices in Texas and California, says these cases go unreported because of what society has said about black men and their sexuality.

“There is this culture [that says] Black men are meant to be sexual beings, ”says Osibodu-Onyali. “The idea, [for mothers]is if my black son [has a sexual experience with a woman] so i know he’s not gay. God forbid, my child is gay because the whole world is going to end. A black man having sex shows me, as a mom, that my son is indeed a man. So it doesn’t matter where he gets his sex from, whether it’s an older woman or not, as long as it’s not another man. There is this idea that your manhood shows up in your gender identity or your sexual behaviors. And it’s okay.

But Osibodu-Onyali is clear that the experienced Jones initially described is far from correct.

“He was a victim and he doesn’t know he was a victim,” Osibodu-Onyali said. “[Jones] actually came out to tell people about it, which tells me that he doesn’t think there is anything wrong with this behavior.

Fellow California LMFT Lamonte Coke says a mother should be a young boy’s first love and mentor. But when you start to waver in the physical demonstration of romantic acts, you’ve crossed a line.

“You’re dealing with an immature mind, raging hormones,” Coke says. “It’s her mother’s responsibility to stay fit. To demonstrate physically is a long way off.

Osibodu-Onyali says that experiencing this type of behavior from a parent can blur the lines in romantic situations in the future.

“Once you cross those lines, it could negatively affect the way you respect others. A mother who does anything to a child can never be consensual because there is this power difference to begin with. When you’ve been abused in the past, you may be more likely to abuse someone else. But you might not even know it’s abuse because mom did it to me and it was okay. Why do I need to ask for consent? My mother never asked me for consent? It becomes really difficult for you to show respect to others.

Coke says it’s important for children to have romantic moments with the fear, anxiety, and apprehension they naturally evoke. And while parents can offer verbal counseling, they shouldn’t attempt to shape these experiences at home.

“Let them find out for themselves,” Coke says. “Let them be nervous and scared, try it and fail and feel embarrassed. Let them go through this array of emotions that keep them from moving forward all the time. You are stealing the true raw nature of what this experience should be. It is inappropriate and irresponsible to put a child in this situation.

In the midst of the discussion about Jim Jones and his mother, people remembered another phenomenon that often occurs in black mother-son dynamics: emotional incest. The term, according to Psychology today, refers to parents who attempt to meet their emotional needs through a child rather than an adult partner.

The behavior is common, especially when a parent is physically or emotionally absent, as are the dynamics in Jones’ homes, as is the case in many black homes across the country. Coke says this dynamic can arise as the son begins to grow and mature.

“Sometimes feelings are misplaced and mismanaged,” Coke says. “There is no man in the house, no father in the picture, the young man is getting old and begins to act as if he is the man of the house, he could do something to make the mother feel safe. The lines are crossed.

While most mothers won’t go so far as to cross a physical border, Osibodu-Onyali says some will not only create a romantic dynamic, but the corrective nature inherent in parenthood is called into question.

“They’re going to create a situation where ‘My son can’t do anything wrong. I’ll protect him no matter what. When you listen to them, it’s almost like they’re talking about their husbands.

For moms who want to serve as a guide and mentor to their sons without covering up their tracks, Coke suggests that you let your own love life be an example.

“For single moms, who don’t have a man living at home, show it off while you go out,” Coke says. “Ask a man to woo you in a certain way so that your child can see how it should be done. If there are any mistakes made, be open about it.

And for those who would like to appropriately model how to treat romantic partners but might not be dating, you can do so with exercises that still maintain a physical barrier.

“Take your son on a date,” Coke said. “Show her what it’s like to go out to dinner, to sit down and talk.” Teach him how to open the door for you. Teach him these good young habits and it will transfer into his young life and his adult life.

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