Channel Nine’s Parental Guidance and the quest to find the ‘best’ way to bring up kids

If you believe the promos, there has just been a “revolutionary” new program on Channel Nine. It’s about Parental Guidance, a reality TV show that promises to “change the conversation about parenthood.”

The show, hosted by parenting expert Justin Coulson and presenter Ally Langdon, involved ten groups of Australian parents with different parenting styles. They were put through a series of challenges to decide which style is ‘best’.

The show, which ended on Tuesday, was a ratings hit, amid episodes dealing with screen time and spanking. But is it useful?

Parents have always been “informed”

If we look at the history of parenting approaches, we see that the idea that there is a “right” way to raise children is not new.

Benjamin Spock, child specialist, with his granddaughter.
Child expert Benjamin Spock, along with his granddaughter, advised parents to give their children affection.
Wikimedia Commons

In the 1920s and 1930s, experts such as Frederic and Mary Truby King and John B Watson devised routine-based authoritarian approaches. Amid a push to reduce child mortality, they have emphasized nutrition, fresh air and discipline. They warned of the ‘dangers of too much maternal love’ and encouraged parents to trust the experts and focus on meeting developmental milestones rather than bonding.

Then, in the aftermath of World War II, Benjamin Spock broke with the idea that children need schedules and little affection. Rather than disciplining children, he advocates understanding and caring for children at every stage of their development. Spock, like other eminent experts like Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby, emphasized the emotional needs of children and the importance of physical affection from parents.

Councils at the end of the 20th century

Between the 1970s and the end of the 20th century, the trend towards a “child-centred” parenting style continued, led by British psychologist Penelope Leach and attachment parenting experts Bill and Martha Sears.



Read more: From tiger to free-roaming parenting – what the research says about the pros and cons of popular parenting styles


But by the end of the 20th century, there was dramatic growth and a variety of parenting advice – and no single group of experts prevailed. This may have reflected changing families, different family structures, more mothers with paid work and more fathers caring for children.

However, the advice was often contradictory. On one side was Gina Ford with her strict routine to produce a “contented little baby”, while Hollywood nanny Tracy Hogg emphasized listening to a baby’s cry and “listening of his body language.

Modern debates about parenthood

Parental Guidance reflects the increasing complexity of modern parenting, with contrasting parenting approaches such as:

  • Parental attachment – which recommends early skin-to-skin contact after birth, breastfeeding, keeping the baby close to him in a sling and co-sleeping.

  • “French” – emphasizes clear boundaries between adults and children.

  • Tiger parenting – this method was popularized by Chinese-American author Amy Chua. It is an authoritarian style, where parents invest heavily in the success of their children.

  • Helicopter – this approach sees parents overprotecting or overriding their children to protect them.

  • Outside – it argues that overprotection is not good for development and that children should be encouraged to roam freely and play outdoors without supervision.

So many tips – but you can ignore them

In Parental Guidance, parenting styles were tested or compared through experiments like, whether children will go with a stranger (suitor). Or how will they manage in a fancy restaurant. But he also looked at “how do you encourage them to set high goals?”

There has always been pressure, especially on mothers, to produce a perfect outcome for their children. But today, parenting advice has shifted from simply feeding, dressing, and disciplining a child to creating well-rounded, “successful” adults. This shift in focus from child to parent is reflected in language: parenting advice is now “parental” advice.

But is the plethora of often complex advice increasing the pressure on parents today? My own research suggests not.

I interviewed 28 women who raised children between the 1950s and the 1990s.

While many women owned a copy of Spock – or at least were aware of his message – they didn’t necessarily use it. Some said they used it “until the pages fell”, others said “it was a pile of garbage” and described how they listened more carefully to the advice of friends and family. parents.

That is, parents – and mothers in particular – are able to distinguish between “expert advice” and their own individual family situations.

How do you really know?

Where does that leave TV programs like Parental Guidance, which seem to suggest there is a “best” way to raise your children?

This can make television compelling, but parents need information, not pressure, to conform to idealized parenting. And it’s not like we know for sure what’s “best” anyway. One woman I interviewed for my research is in her 80s and raised four children in the 1950s. As she told me after a four-hour interview:

you hope they’re good adults and you’ve done your job with them, but how do you know, how really to know?

Ideas about how we should parent come at a time when parents are vulnerable and seek guidance. They shape the parent as well as the child and the emotional impact of these powerful messages can last a lifetime.

Rather than competing for “Australia’s best parenting,” Spock offers some softer advice for parents of all ages:

Trust yourself. You know more than you think.



Read more: Dr. Spock’s timeless lessons on parenthood


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