Being a parent is one of the most ridiculously challenging things there is in our existence, and although it is a personal choice, if committed to, it can lead to both physical and mental exhaustion.
Needless to say, every parent wishes only the best for their offspring – however, the little ones enter this world without a manual, meaning that you’re just going to have to wing it.
It so happens that most folks, whether they’re still expecting or have already welcomed their precious babies, often put an immense amount of pressure on themselves. It’s understandable that we all want to do things right, yet sometimes, a simple piece of advice can change your entire perception of parenthood.
“What is the single hardest lesson for a parent to learn about raising kids?” – this online user turned to one of Reddit’s communities dedicated to asking women questions, hoping to find out what hard lessons parents learn when raising children. The post has managed to receive nearly 2K upvotes and 536 worth of comments discussing the difficulties of parenthood.
More info: Reddit
Picking your battles. Does it really matter if your kid wears mismatched socks? Is it really a big deal if they wear a princess dress to go grocery shopping? Those are minor things that absolutely do not make a difference in the long run. Let it go and life is easier for you both.
Your kid isn’t giving you a hard time. THEY are having a hard time.
Absolutely. And so much so for any child with a disability.
I wish more people would understand this, when their children are having a tantrum. So maby people write it off as bad behavior. Where in reality it is your child having an overwhelming amount of emotions and feelings and no clue as to how to deal with them.
A parent would do their child’s emotional development a huge favor by trying to understand this.
The book “The Science of Parenting” explains this from a neurological and psychological attachment point of view – with many great sources.
That they are individuals and deserve respect. Also, you have to earn their respect. It shouldn’t be freely given just because you gave birth to them or provide them with basic necessities like housing, clothing, or food.
They are not you – now say it again 10 times. They may or may not like the things you do or did at their age. No amount of yelling, begging, forcing, or conjoling will make them just like you. They absolutely will not have the same life experience and they have a completely different perspective than you. Even if they’re your “mini me” they are absolutely their own person. You can even go as far to say that if they’re truly a carbon copy of either parent, you’ve probably done something wrong as a parent.
Don’t punish them for having feelings and then expecting them to manage those feelings *perfectly* when you can’t even curb your anger disappointment at your kid having a hard time. Sorry they can’t get their tantrum together in 5 seconds. Maybe figure out why they are emotional and help them fix it.
Kids tell lies. They do. It’s part of their emotional and intellectual development. Don’t make it a big deal. Respond appropriately to the untruthful ness. Discuss it. Don’t take it personally.
That you aren’t raising kids. They are already are kids. You are raising adults, hopefully competent adults. Competent adults who know how to be an adult.
Parents need to do their part when their child is struggling in school. We can only do so much in 8 hours. If parents want results faster then they need to commit.
That the best thing to do is to prepare the child for the path and not the path for the child.
Hardest pill for me to swallow so far is that they are going to grow up. My kids are 8 and 12 now and I am already SO sad about them growing up and moving out etc. I do focus on the time we’ve got now, but when those thoughts pop into my head I get SUPER sad. We haven’t reached the teen years yet though so check back in the next few years.
WORST part of parenting: figuring out what the f**k to make for dinner EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. I hate it so much. But if I don’t feed them, they’ll die, so that’s lame.
Teach them independence. Let them fall and scrap their knees. Let them fail. You are preparing for the real world. There will be mean people so you need to know that it’s important to be confident.
My mom said, “That they are not a miniature version of yourself. As individuals they will need to do some things their own way, even if it’s not YOUR way.”
My mom has always allowed my siblings and myself to be authentically ourselves. She’s amazing.
At some point, around age 12 or 13, it will seem like they genuinely hate you and they will be incredibly unpleasant to deal with. It passes, but it is rough when you are in the middle of it. You have to weather it with patience and grace (and consequences when warranted) because it is only a stage.
You’re gonna feel like you’re constantly failing…you’re not, not in the slightest, but you’ll feel like it
Kids are tiny humans. It’s easy to slip into seeing them as little machines into which you’re supposed to input life lessons and get out good behavior. But even as kids, they are whole humans–they have bad days where they’re grumpy and will be short with you, and there are foods they will never like no matter how many times you put it on their plate, and they’ ll pick the sports or hobbies they’re into regardless of what you were into. If they’re having a bad day, don’t explain to them why they shouldn’t be having a bad day; don’t invalidate how they feel about things; treat them with the kindness and understanding and encouragement you give to your friends. I’m not saying “be your kid’s best friend”–you need to be their parent and help them build the life skills and emotional intelligence necessary for a happy life, but do it in a way that treats them like the whole, individual humans they are.
The world is dangerous and unfortunately we cannot follow their every step. They grow up, they leave the house and bad things do happen
More than the single hardest lesson, but these are the top for me:
* You’re going to constantly second guess decisions, and feel guilty for things on a regular basis.
* Support, encouragement and trust are as important as love
* Letting them fail is epically hard; showing them how to come back from failure is vital
* If you split with your partner, remember that your kid(s) still need and want them in their life (barring abuse, etc.)
* You’re raising them to be adults- teach them how to manage their own lives, and don’t try to live their life for them
* When you like them the least is when they need love the most
* Communicate with them the way you want to be communicated with- kids are people, and they model your behaviors
You get to choose how to love your kids, how to teach your kids, and how you’re going to f**k up with your kids.
Choose wisely as all are inevitable.
Your purpose is not to pass down your own rules about life, but to put life itself in context for them.
(I’m not a parent tho, but I was surprised when someone said that that’s how they parent their child and I thought it made sense)
Their kids might not have anything in common with them or turn out differently than expected. I see a lot of parents who are surprised when they struggle to connect with their child or something hard pops up. So many small things can be huge stressors to kids and become gigantic, time consuming concerns for parents.